Ninja: Little Bunny FooFoo-Jitsu

Ninjas Are Awesome

Ninjas Are Awesome

I will always choose ranged over melee, since I get a better view of what I’m doing, it’s usually a bit easier to move away from danger, and there’s almost always someone else standing between me and trouble.  So once I finished leveling up bard, black mage and summoner, the next obvious choice seemed to be machinist.

Except maybe not.

Machinist is SO.  SLOW.  SO FREAKING SLOW.  You’d think shooting a gun would be way faster than an ol’ fashioned bow-and-arrow combo (especially when you can load up to five special shots at once), but haaaay this is a fantasy game, so no.  I would weep with joy when astrologers gave me the attack speed buff, but then I would weep with despair once I realized I couldn’t really see much of a difference in my cooldowns.

Also, the Rook Turret makes an exceptionally annoying rubberbandy sound when it shoots.

Still, I kept trucking away, reaching level 45.  Then I happened to group up with folks from my FC.  One decided to show me the ninja mudras, and I learned that screwing up your mudra combo will cause a rabbit to appear on your head for a few seconds.

Wait, you mean I could have a bunny in a hat?

On my head?

Whenever I mess up?


I have named the bunny Mr. Plumpkins.  Mr. Plumpkins is the best.

Mr. Plumpkins the Ninja Bunny

Mr. Plumpkins the Ninja Bunny

Actually, now that I have a screenshot of Mr. Plumpkins up close from the front … he’s a little terrifying.

Now, I waver between being a decent DPS and an incompetent ninja.

The more DPS I do, the more badass I feel (this is necessary because playing a female character means that my special ninja pants are actually shiny tights with a glitzy buttflap).

I Get Ninja Pants Too, Right? Naw, they ran out.  Oboro found some tights for me, though.

I Get Ninja Pants Too, Right?
Naw, they ran out. Oboro found some tights for me, though.

Yet the more incompetent I am, the more I see of Mr. Plumpkins and the more I laugh.

Decisions are hard.

In terms of competence, I have two problems at present:

  1. fffffff hitting the right buttons
  2. fffffffffff mudras

There was a period in the low to mid 40s where ninja hit a sweet spot in terms of the number of total buttons I can manage/debuffs I can remember to keep up/ buffs I can remember keep up.  Then I hit the upper 40s and it all went to hell.

I prefer generally rotations that require only about eight important skills total.  This is partially because I am lazy, but also because that’s the default setting for my hands – sustaining a more stretched out hand position across the keyboard for a long time becomes uncomfortable.  (Yes, I have small hands.)  Besides, the more I end up having to move my hands for whatever reason – to grab the mouse, to use a skill that’s out of my default range of four, etc. – the more likely it is I will end up pressing the wrong buttons.

Then again, this could just be happening because leveling all the things means I sometimes forget which button is which skill unless I’m staring straight at ’em.  Suffice it to say I hit the wrong buttons a lot right now.

Then there are the mudras – a grand total of three buttons that you use in combination to gain a ninjitsu skill.  Problem is, you obtain access to several of these ninjitsu skills when you get the final mudra, making it way too much to remember all at once.   I’m going to write this crap down in the hopes that summarizing each one will help me recall them when needed.

SHURIKEN: Good for pulling at distance!  Better range than Dagger Throw.  Use any and only ONE of the mudra.

LIGHTNING ZAP: a.k.a. Raiton.  Seems to be potent!  Use Ten > Chi or Jin > Chi.

FIRE BOOM: a.k.a. Katon.  AoE that may cause others to think there is a BLM present.  Use Chi > Ten or Jin > Ten.

SPEED ME UP SCOTTY: a.k.a. Huton.  Increases attack speed for “whee I’m a squirrel on caffeine” feelings.  Use Jin > Chi > Ten or Chi > Jin > Ten.

EARTH CIRCLE: a.k.a. Doton.  Puts down bad that does AoE damage over time.  Use Ten > Jin > Chi or Jin > Ten > Chi.

WAIT, WAT(ER) IS THAT: a.k.a. Suiton, a.k.a. That Water Thing That Happened by Accident.  Briefly enables the use of skills that would otherwise require Hide (of which there are two).  Use Ten > Chi > Jin or Chi > Ten > Jin.

OOPS ICE: a.k.a. Hyoton. (Very) temporarily binds the opponent.  Use Ten > Jin or Chi > Jin.

I’ve begun resenting machinists in general, but it’s not because the cooldowns feel so slow when I play it.  No, it’s because lots of machinists seem to think that knocking sheeyit back is no big deal.  Okay.  I mean, I’ve been to the magical Land of I Don’t Care.  I’ve knocked back my fair share of things as summoner because Garuda-Egi wasn’t on Obey.  But when I’m rogue/ninja/melee, I can’t visit the Land of I Don’t Care because in my new little melee world, knockbacks make me want to punch people while wearing pointy shoes on my hands.


I’ve started to ask them not to use it.  Some of them don’t respond.  Some seem to be offended.  One said that she felt like melee overreacted so much, she felt forbidden from using it.

There was one who said she was doing it to interrupt crap.  This almost seems logical, so I’m gonna think about that for a moment.  Let’s see – if the tank hasn’t stunned it and nobody else with a stun has either, ask yourself: is this attack (probably) going to kill the tank?  If the answer is no, DON’T KNOCK THE MOB BACK TO INTERRUPT THE ATTACK.  Nobody cares about the attack, but SOMEBODY (at least me) cares if the damn mob goes flying.

The other thing was – she was also knocking back mobs that, yanno, didn’t actually have some fancy attack to interrupt.

Then because of the way the internet works, she pointed out that I forgot to use a poison on my daggers, which was true because the dang stuff comes off all the dang time.  SIGH.




First Attempts at Glamour

Glamour: The True Endgame Important questions, indeed.

Glamour: The True Endgame
Important questions, indeed.


In WoW, transmog (the equivalent of glamour) was my jam.  Putting together outfits and locating the pieces I required occupied far too many of my hours.  So now that I have bard, black mage and summoner to 60 (and white mage to 55), I thought that it was high time I began to look into fancying up my looks.  True, I don’t have much in the way of fancypants gear collected just yet, but I’ve been getting a bit tired of looking at the same ol’ outfits.


Bard: My First Glamour I, uh, don't have a lot of available options at this moment.

Bard: My First Glamour
I, uh, don’t have a lot of available options at this moment.


Black Mage: My First Glamour Also used for summoner (with a different weapon, of course).

Black Mage: My First Glamour
Also used for summoner (with a different weapon, of course).


I originally used the black mage AF pants (stripes!!), but then realized that wasn’t going to work very well, since the outfit needed to do double-duty for summoner too (glamour is class-specific).  Unfortunately, the only workable thing in the right color scheme that I could afford was a pair of stockings and garters.  Sadface.  But worst of all was my inability to acquire the hat I really really really wanted:


I NEED THIS HAT IN MY LIFE But there's no way I can afford the one million gil price tag.

But there’s no way I can afford the one million gil price tag.


GOGGLES!  A+, #1, would wear constantly.  (And talk about an upgrade!)  But alas, the MB doesn’t let you set up an installment payment plan, so I was forced to compromise.


White Mage Mage: My First Glamour Also used for scholar (with a different weapon, of course).

White Mage Mage: My First Glamour
Also used for scholar (with a different weapon, of course).


No, I don’t know the purpose of that gigantic gold leaf thing on my hip.

Generally speaking, I find myself unimpressed with FFXIV’s glamour system.  You’d think involving crafters by giving them yet another in-demand product to create would be great, but holy crap, this has a number of what I consider to be unfortunate side effects.

Problem 1: Glamour is stupid complex.
Hold up, I need how many of what level of what type of glamour crystal for this again?

Problem 1a: No way to preview what kind of crystals you need.
Basically, I have to open the glamour interface and select the items to see what kind of crystal I need to purchase (the game will helpfully tell you that you can’t proceed without it).  This is irritating when glamouring multiple pieces at once – I literally have to make a damn list of crystals to buy.

Problem 2: Glamour is stupid expensive.
You’ll need a crystal for each piece you intend to glamour, and these can run up to 7 to 8k a pop on my server for some types.  Since I get most of my spare gil by running dungeons, this is not chump change for me.  It also makes it foolish to pursue glamour until I’m nearly done leveling a particular class (otherwise, I change gear too often).  Ugh, I want to go around punching things in the kidneys.

Suffice it to say I much preferred WoW’s method – hey, talk to this NPC, pay him a bit of gold depending on the armor you’re using, and ta-da!  You’re done.  No muss, no fuss, and no wondering why the hell alchemists can make glamour crystals for books.

Problem 3: No good way to design outfits.
In WoW, addons are common, and MogIt enables you to create and save multiple outfits.  You can zoom in and out.  In FFXIV, addons are suspect, MogIt doesn’t exist, and you get one itty-bitty little preview window that you can save one outfit in.  One.

Problem 4: Lack of community resources.
For WoW, there are multiple sites where I can go to see the appearance of every single piece of equipment a particular class can use.  Want to see what kind of hats a shaman can put on?  No problem.  Want to look at gloves sorted by level, or by length?  Done.  Hell, I can preview armor in 3D on a model of the same race and gender as my character.

For FFXIV, not so much.  It seems that once upon a time there was a site that served this purpose, but it has long since gone down and all that remains are sites where people can show off their glamour sets.  That’s nice and all, but I’m not looking for inspiration – I’m looking for information.  Without it, I’m stuck Googling the names of individual pieces, and that only works if I know what I’m looking for – there are a whole host of options in terms of gear that I simply remain ignorant of.


If You Know, You Know. If You Don’t, You Don’t.

HAHAHA NO This is not how this works.

This is not how this works.

  1. Dear Game Designers: when you feel compelled to warn me to “set aside sufficient time” for your cutscenes before they start, your cutscenes may be too long or too numerous or both.
  2. I don’t wanna be the one who said “I told you so,” buuuuuuut this could’ve been avoided if we’d prioritized a few things …
  3. Um, guys, we can teleport, yanno.
  4. Um, guys, I can actually beat the crap out of all these goons, yanno.
  5. I’ll set myself on fire before joining the Immortal Flames (no pun intended).

You and Me Could Write a Bad Romance

I finally got far enough in the main story quests to be introduced to a certain NPC …

Now THERE'S a Reason For Me to Pay Attention to MSQ Ser Aymeric is SERIOUSLY FANCY

Now THERE’S a Reason For Me to Pay Attention to MSQ

Oh.  Oh. Ser Aymeric!

Oh You Stalker, You It's only cute because you're cute and powerful.

Oh You Stalker, You
It’s only cute because you’re cute and powerful.

After being suitably impressed by his impeccable coif, sharp eyes, and elegant wardrobe, I abruptly remembered that Elezen are big elitist jerks who only listen to other Elezen (who are also not heretics).  I impulsively decided to use a Fantasia to turn myself from a kittygirl into an Elezen so that I would be taken more seriously/I would look appropriately SRS in cutscenes with the fab Ser Aymeric!

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF I guess this is why they recommend you control your impulses.

I guess this is why they recommend you control your impulses.

I am now trying to decide whether or not I’ve made a huge mistake.

Firstly, I am huge.  Kittypeople and Au-ra (dragonpeople) are by far [one of] the two most popular races in the game (why be normal when you can have a tail?), and the females of these races are generally short.  You can make them taller, but it seems few people do.  So when I load into a dungeon, I tower over my entire party like a skyscraper next to a bunch of two-story apartment buildings.  I half expect myself to start swaying in the wind.

Secondly, when I loom over my party in such a manner, it calls attention to my itty-bitty head.  True, my hair is pretty smashing and I’m no butterface, as they say, but … the proportions, man, they’re weird.

I Don't See How This Works And I didn't ride this way before ...

I Don’t See How This Works
And I didn’t ride this way before …

Thirdly, can somebody explain to me WHY I now ride sidesaddle on a unicorn that has no saddle and when I’m wearing pants, meaning I have absolutely zero reason to go sidesaddle in the first place?  I can’t ride my unicorn anymore because I just keep picturing myself tumbling right off the side the moment I really get going.

Fourthly, I just don’t sound like an Elezen.  I don’t feel like an Elezen.  The way I talk in-game is full of capslock, exclamation marks and derpy humor.  I dance at inopportune moments, facepull frequently and jump off cliffs by accident.  Elezen are too elegant, too restrained, too cultured.

On another note, I managed to queue without myself yesterday and didn’t notice for about an hour:

Infinite Queue How the hell am I in the queue and not in it all at the same time?

Infinite Queue
How the hell am I in the queue and not in it all at the same time?

And on another “another note,” I achieved my first level 60:

First Level 60 Now if this were WoW, I'd just be hitting BC content and have a full 40 levels left to go ...

First Level 60
Now if this were WoW, I’d just be hitting BC content and have a full 40 levels left to go …

When You Just Can’t Even

I Don't Always Even But when I do ...

I Don’t Always Even
But when I do …

Hello.  My name is Zianith, and I am not a doctor, though sometimes I pretend to play a pretend one on TV.

Have you or your loved ones expressed difficulty giving an even lately?

Do you find yourself unable to even like you used to?

Don’t worry.  This behavior is completely normal, and it’s probably because you are trying to kill Odin with a Duty Finder party.  This activity has been shown to have a negative impact on trust, humor and the ability to even.

In fact, attempting to kill Odin with a Duty Finder party has been shown in some studies to give you cancer.  Cancer of the soul.  Hope warps and gives way to cynicism, and cynicism is just cyanide for your mood.

Top doctors who study the problem of giving an even recommend using Vote Abandon in order to restore your ability to even.  Even better, they say, would be to not use Duty Finder to fight Odin in the first place.


"Odin," or "Oh, DON'T" Don't queue for it unless you're prepared to DIE.

“Odin,” or “Oh, DON’T”
Don’t queue for it unless you’re prepared to DIE.

Backstory: after I got bard to 55, I randomly leveled summoner to 50 so I could wear the HORN OF DIGNITY, and I’ve been unlocking hard mode dungeons and whatnot as summoner since.  Odin, however, is making me SERIOUSLY ANGST over this choice.


KILL OR WE DIE oh wait, we’re dead …

To briefly describe the encounter for those who have not yet undertaken it, you zone in and find a big angry dude on a black horse with really short legs.  The main tank may or may not do a ready check – most just run right out of the gate the moment everyone’s zoned in.

At first, the fight seems pretty much like your standard tank and spank with some intense AoE damage spikes from different sources thrown in.  (Added bonus: one type of AoE will petrify whoever it hits!)  Eventually, you get the AoEs plus a nice bleed effect going on, which the two overworked healers absolutely must dispel or the whole party will literally bleed out!

Still, all seems easy enough until three party members get this red CIRCLE OF DOOM.  When this effect ends, these SWORDS OF EVIL land on top of them and the SWORDS MUST DIE because OMFG DAMAGE WHERE THE HELL IS ALL THIS DAMAGE COMING FROM WHY DO WE ONLY HAVE TWO HEALERS THIS IS INSANE.  (Also, the other AoEs keep going while the Odin continues to punch the tanks in the face, which sometimes causes them to fall over dead.)

After that, I dunno, because the closest I’ve gotten to killing Odin is about 2/3rds of the way down.  Every single attempt I’ve put in has died once the extra swords show up.

Back in WoW, whenever junior-level raids of strangers wiped to a boss, they would get a stack of this “Determination” buff.  Eventually, the group’s low coordination/damage/healing/whatever would no longer matter quite as much and you could simply beat your opponent to death.  I’m told there’s something similar in FFXIV, but I didn’t see it happening in the Odin fight.  Even when I was in a “good” group, we just kept dying to the swords, over and over and over and over and over again.  We never made it past that point, which you would expect us to do eventually if our damage was actually being buffed after each wipe.

I’m convinced that the swords are always our end because our DPS is too low, we are incapable of focusing on one sword at a time (since they end up wherever their targeted player does, they don’t always land in the same place and people ignore marked targets), and our healers can’t compensate for the extra seconds the swords stay up.  In other words, I’m like, I NEED MORE DAMAGE AND I NEED IT NOW.

The thing with summoner is that I don’t feel like I’ve got particularly high DPS.  With the reliance on DoTs, it seems to be more of a style that requires you to keep as many up for as long as you can.  My basic spell, Ruin (or a Ruin 2 every now and then for an additional Blind effect), does run-of-the-mill damage and basically feels like filler until it’s time for me to refresh all my dots.  The one spell I have that feels highly damage-y when I use it is Fester, which does more damage if I have more DoTs up.  (Lemme tell you about this one time I had a critical hit and got a number in the 900s!)  True, my damage did double when I finally gave in and purchased a higher level weapon from the MarketBoard (been hoping to see one drop or something), but even so … I just don’t feel like I have an extra attack I can pull out and beat something upside the head with in times of OMFG WE’RE DYING.

With bard, I have buffs I can use in tense situations to temporarily increase my crit chance, for example.  I’ve got some DoTs, but I also have some higher-powered attacks that feel like they refresh faster than Fester does.  I think I may be slightly better with bard, but I have no numbers (since I have no damage-counters or whatever) to back that up.  So although I like summoner, I’m feeling indecisive over what class to continue with.

HORN OF DIGNITY I wear it well.

I wear it well.

Summoner Pros:

  1. Having a pet to take the heat when soloing is extremely handy!
  2. I’ve been purchasing Ironworks gear, and thus have a higher item level as summoner than I do as bard.
  3. Has a resurrect which can be used in battle (AND BELIEVE YOU ME I’VE BEEN USING IT).

Summoner Cons:

  1. Having a pet with derpy AI is extremely annoying, especially since my skills that boost my pet’s damage have a very limited range.  Garuda-egi won’t move with me during a fight and sometimes gets knocked clear across the fight area – meaning I have to spend precious time finding her while in battle.
  2. Doing low-level dungeons via Duty Roulette can be super tedious because the summoner class didn’t get interesting until I got to a higher level where I had a million DoTs and the ability to spread them.
  3. I miss Carbuncle, dammit.  I wish I could have Topaz Carbuncle with Titan-egi’s capabilities …
HAT OF AWESOME Never before has Eorzeazeroth been so stylin'.

Never before has Eorzeazeroth been so stylin’.

Bard Pros:

  3. Closer to level 60.

Bard Cons:

  1. Lower item level at this moment
  2. No pet to take crap for me while questing/out and about on my own.  But then again, I never really seemed to need one as a bard …


I mean, it’s not like me switching to bard will magically make Odin keel over and grant my group victory.  It’ll just make me feel like I’m doing more RIGHT NOW when we try to off him.

Yer Commendashuns, I Haz Them

UNSTOPPABLE Sometimes, Google search shows you the truth.

Sometimes, Google search shows you the truth.

I am one-third of the way to getting 300 commendations!  Hooray!

I think I’ve gotten most of them as a healer.  People always view healers in a positive light when they don’t die, which is good, since my general goal is “TOP OFF THE HP AND NOBODY DIES.”  For the most part, I’ve found healing to be easy.  This may be at least in part because the Duty Finder has a tendency to drop me into low-leveled dungeons where really all you need to do is cast Protect and Cure (which are, quite frankly, also the only helpful spells you have access to at that point).

But then came the day when I queued like normal with the Duty Finder and ended up healing a Titan group. My only past healing experience healing Primal fights at that point was Ifrit.  As long as the tank points Ifrit away, the tank keeps aggro and people kill the adds, Ifrit’s not that bad.  But Titan’s like … one of the toughest ones I’ve unlocked thus far even when things go right.  The sheer amount of damage!  The knockbacks!  The gaols that imprison a party member at inopportune times!

Healing Regular Dungeons Be Like:  Tralala!  Do a little deeps!  Do a little heals!  Get down tonight!  Get down tonight!

i hate my life lol what have i done

i hate my life lol
what have i done


We eventually succeeded after I started freaking out only half as bad (helpful if you want to avoid getting knocked off the damn platform like a doofus) and after I radically reinvented the way I was healing.  Forget Stoneskin – doesn’t last long enough to make a damn bit of difference.  No more costly single target heals all the time.  REGEN IS MY FRIEND.  REGEN ON EVERYBODY, ALL THE TIME.  Use small heals when possible and let Regen take care of the rest!  Speaking of taking care of the rest – the DPS are just gonna have to survive long enough for Regen to pick their HP back up, because Dear Lord Gawd help me the tank is getting smashed to pieces!

How I Picture It Going if I Have to Heal Again Not well. Not well at all.

How I Picture It Going if I Have to Heal Again
Not well. Not well at all.

Since then, I’ve been a little scared to queue for Duty Finder as a healer again.  And can I just say that the idea of healing hard mode dungeons* kinda freaks me out a bit now?  Hard mode + me healing = WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE.

So I’ve been deepsing it up.  Sure, the queue’s longer and I don’t get as many commendations in general, but it’s strangely satisfying when you get all three possible commendations as a DPS.  The tank loved you.  The heals loved you.  Even your fellow DPS loved you!  EVERYBODY LOVES YOU!



*Whoever composed the music for Haukke Manor’s hard mode needs to rethink his artistic inspirations, because that song makes me want to punch things even though I’m playing as ranged DPS.

Pants, Plants and Purple Chocobos

Pants, I Haz Them And now I need more.

Pants, I Haz Them
And now I need more.

You see these?  These, my friends, are PANTS.  Yes, PANTS, not just any ol’ pair of pants.  They’re a terrible, yet beautiful cross of legging, bellbottom, dance getup and a couple bits of bling.  I’ve been wearing them for a little while now, and the other day, a person in my Free Company asked me why I was still using the level 50 armor.  Uhhhh …

  1. I’m level 54, which isn’t that far off from level 50?
  2. I only have around 100 or so of those poetic things, which I assume isn’t enough to get me diddly squat.
  3. Nothing has dropped in dungeons that’s any better.
  4. I’m still way, way back in the main story questline (haven’t even put the smackdown on Garuda yet, much less gotten anywhere near the current expansion) so I’m not getting better gear that way, either.
  5. This outfit is damn fabulous and glamour prisms are stupid expensive.
"Don't Be a Bard," They Said WELL, CHECK ME OUT NOW

“Don’t Be a Bard,” They Said


So yeah.  STILL WEARING MY FANCY PANTS!  Mostly, anyhow.  I was dressed up in my low-level traumaturge scrubs when I somehow got promoted in my FC, which meant I had to panic and change FAST.

Saved By the Pants Couldn't stand up there in that level 15 robe, now could I?

Saved By the Pants
Couldn’t stand up there in that level 15 robe, now could I?

I also finally acquired sufficient Grand Company reputation and spare cash to acquire a room in my Free Company’s house.  Yay!  Being immediately poor as a result, I had to pick the cheapest stuff available to decorate it with – but I’m pretty happy with it.  (I still wish we could have individual player housing a la FFXI.  That way I could grow things that I want without feeling like my whims are intruding on the general FC gardening space.)

Get a Room Now what?

Get a Room
Now what?

In general, though I like the ability to rotate stuff and place it where I please, I really, really wish there was a lot more option in terms of furniture.  The selection feels very limited.  I also really, really, really wish there were other ways of acquiring the major pieces for each set.  I mean, sure, we gotta support the crafters and all that, but I’ll be damned if I become a crafter myself specifically for something like a freaking potted plant.  It would be nice to be able to get more things from vendors, quests, item turn-ins, or whatever.

In other news, I also succeeded in getting my derpobo to be purple:

Purple Derpobo It's true, we're biased towards more attractive birds.

Purple Derpobo
It’s true, we’re biased towards more attractive birds.

I am feeling much more charitable towards my chocobo now that he’s purple.  He may still be daft as daises, but at least he looks good.

Since I’ve achieved my three major goals, what do I do now?  Ideas:

  • Complete Project Condemnation Commendations (300 commendations)
  • Related: get the chocobo a really fancy outfit to match the commendation crown
  • Actually get into current expac content someday before I die
  • Level everything to 30 to unlock every fancy job
  • Get a fat cat pet, because OMFG I NEED ONE

Speaking of fat cats …

It’s the music that makes that video.  Trust me.

One Month In: Likes/Dislikes

Futility Sometimes the world does it to you ...

Sometimes, the world does it to you …

Dislike: Gil Sellers
You know what the number one issue for the game is in terms of this nooblet’s satisfaction? Gil sellers directly messaging me.  As of the one-month mark, I blacklisted a grand total of [I DONT EVEN KNOW ANYMORE] of ’em.  Yeah, I blacklist every single one that messages me.  I realize I’m essentially redefining the Sisyphean task for the gaming age …

Anyway, that total I can’t remember is, again, for one month.  So I’m getting at least one unsolicited message from a gil seller every single day and there’s nothing I can do about it.  I could be standing in town, pondering dye colors, when BAM – there’s one.  Killing some innocent antelopes out in the middle of nowhere simply because some NPC told me to, and BAM!  There’s another.  You can’t escape them.  I can be anywhere, at any time, surrounded by people or completely by myself, and no matter where I go, they message me.  (Except in dungeons.  I should do dungeons all the time.  Oh wait, I’m primarily a DPS player, so I’ll actually be stuck in queues most of the time.  Scratch that.)

Futility ... and sometimes you do it to yourself.

… and sometimes you do it to yourself.

Oh, but Prinnie, you say, that’s just one of those pests per day.  In the grand scheme of things, that’s not so bad!  Back in my day, we had to turn off chat before walking into towns in order to survive!  Back in my day, we could be on an airship and still hear the gil sellers down below anyway!  Back in my day, we had to pull that airship on a string to launch it, like a gigantic kite, and do it while watching gil sellers take gold from babies!  Etc. etc. etc.

Well here’s a reason why one gilseller bothering me each day is still a problem: in that amount of time, only people from my Free Company have messaged me.  Possibly one person who isn’t in my Free Company has directly messaged me.  Maaaaaybe two?  If it weren’t for my Free Company, the only “personal” contact I’d be getting is from people who want real money in exchange for some fake stuff.  Strangers were more sociable in WoW!


West is the Other Way Or is it that way?

West is the Other Way
Or is it that way?

Dislike: The Map
I hate how the icons stay the same scale regardless of your zoom level, and I hate how sometimes, things don’t have names on them until you zoom so damn far in, you can’t exactly tell where that place is anyway.  I also dislike how the map will show blank space between itself and the map box if you’ve got it zoomed out far enough.  It just looks weird, man.


Dislike: The “Market Board”
I’m a bit baffled by the dang thing.  First, you can’t use it at all until you get far enough in the main questline to have a retainer.  I suppose this prevents the proliferation of bank alts, or something.  Yeah, those bank alts are a plague on Eorzeazeroth that need to be stopped!

Second, the system’s ever so slightly better than “awkward” for noobs like me.  Things that don’t seem to actually be available for sale are up mixed in with the things that are.  I can look through specific categories of things like armor or food, but I can’t really sort the resulting list worth a damn.  I can sort based on ID (oh yeah, that’s real useful to me), [INSERT THING HERE THAT I DON’T REMEMBER], or Demand.  What about sorting stuff alphabetically, or by highest average selling price, or by the level required to use said item?

I can favorite some things for some unknown reason.  I guess it’s to let crafters know that somebody out there just might pay for Item A, but hopefully few souls make their crafting decisions based on that – being able to favorite something doesn’t mean I’ve got the gil to buy it.


Dancing Kitty Girls You see a lot of them.

Dancing Kitty Girls
You see a lot of them.

Mixed Feelings: Mixed Messages
Okay, I’m ignoring the dancing kittygirls in Ul’dan, they’re minor.  I’m ignoring Haukke Manor and almost the entire freaking storyline there, because that’s just a big stinkin’ pile of stereotypical stupidity.  (A pity, really, as I do so love haunted mansion type settings.)  I’m trying as hard as I can to ignore Mil-whatserface’s pink leather bra top whenever I visit the Scions, but it’s surprisingly difficult to do, because nobody else wears anything like it and now I kind of want one of my own.  (Thanks to the cinematics in there, I got a view from behind and I am pretty sure she’s wearing a thong over her leggings.  Hell to the no on that fashion statement!)

I’m gonna focus on the Elder Seedseer and Admiral Merl “I Like Consonants” Wyb instead.  I’m going to make my retainers all male and highly attractive, just because I can.  (SUDDEN THOUGHT: I should get swimsuits for them before the event ends!)  If I’m gonna gawk, I’m gonna gawk at the people who play buff men and then stand around in cities wearing only their tighty whities. Yep.  They exist.  Thank the playerbase for making more of the eye candy the developers so sadly neglected!

Still, I’m getting tired of NPCs referring to other jerk-faced NPCs as “whoresons.”  Can we mix it up a little?  Something like “dickborn,” maybe?  Did I just write that?


Mostly Like: Separate Inventory for Armor
WoW’s been on a quest (c wat I did thar) to simplify their armor system for awhile now, but they never quite seem to think things all the way through.  For example, they removed the ability to “reforge,” which allowed you to change the stats on your armor.  They didn’t ditch the similar stat-based enchantments you can apply to armor, and as a result, some classes still require you to cart around two full sets of gear.  (I don’t know about you, but I ain’t re-enchanting everything I own every single dang time I change the role I play.)  As a result, that’s still a lot of bag space spent.

So it’s nice to have a separate area completely for keeping all the shirts and whatnot I pick up.  I have a lot of shirts.  In general, my only problem is that my Armoury inventory inevitably turns into a veritable pile of gear with no apparent order to it.  It’s not that I’m obsessive about organization (maybe just a touch) or anything!  It’s just that I have so many shirts, I need to have some system to know if this is the right shirt for me (Disciple of War or Magic?) and if it’s the best shirt for me (obviously, that shirt you can wear at level 15 is better than the one you can wear at level 5).  Otherwise, I tend to end up putzing around in a level 5 shirt for a long, long time.  Plus, deciding on a shirt gets real problematic when one has a hood and one doesn’t.


Must Complete Hunting Log Hold up, why is that last mob in the list level 20?

Must Complete Hunting Log
Hold up, why is the last mob in the list level 20?

Like: Hunting Log
I’m a completionist, but I’m an easily discouraged one.  A most unshakable sense of futility weighed greatly upon my last days in WoW as a result of being unable to complete even my easiest goals in a freaking fantasy game:

  • Want that pretty piece of gear you’ve been eyeing for your cosmetic armor?  RNG denied you this week, and it will deny you the next, and the next … maybe you’ll get it months down the road.  Then again, maybe you won’t.  Keep trying!
  • Want to improve your gear so you can start raiding?  Well, either you’re going to need to craft a sheeyit-ton of preliminary materials so you can eventually make one single piece of gear (oh by the way, you can only wear three crafted pieces), or you can just wait because by the time you finish all that, we’ll release a patch with better stuff (which you’ll need to throw yourself at the mercy of RNG to acquire).  Similarly, you can grind out a sheeyit-ton of tokens to buy a single piece, or …
  • Want to work on your pet collection?  Sure!  Here are fifteen different roaches that all look the same for you to collect.  Oh, that’s right – in order to complete complete your collection, you’ll need pets that can only be had if you attended this event/bought this specific collector’s edition/bought this old card game/etc. etc. etc.  You say you didn’t go to said event?  I hope you enjoy spending a ton of money in the aftermarket, then!
  • Want to work on your mount collection?  Sure!  You’ll have to skip the mounts that you can only get by purchasing game-related swag.  Otherwise, why don’t you gear up so you can raid?  Finishing raid-related achievements gets you mounts!
  • Speaking of achievements, wanna work on completing those?  We’ve got some lovely ones for the holidays.  You, fair PvErs, shall charge into PvP en masse!  As my momma said, negative experiences get you a strength of character that money cannot buy (note: strength of character is not an achievement).

Compare all that to “here’s a list of critters out in the wild.  Go smack down two to five of ’em.  We’ll check them off your list and you get some EXP when you finish!”  Sure, end game in FFXIV is probably wildly different.  But I’m nowhere near that point, so SIGN ME UP FOR SOME MONSTER HUNTIN’


Self explanatory.  Got every combat class to a minimum of 15, even lancer!


A Wish Is a Dream Your Heart Makes …

Chocobo for Brains I hate to say it, but he's just not that bright.

Chocobo for Brains
I hate to say it, but he’s just not that bright.

… when you don’t know better!

It turns out that my chocobo has some problems, fleet of foot though he may be.  Suffice it to say, he’s an idiot.  No, seriously, he’s actually an idiot with a self-preservation problem bigger than my own.

Say, for example, I realize that we’ve made one too many “friends” and we are about to be overpowered.  I know that “discretion is the better part of valor” and blah blah blah, so I run.  Sometimes, he’ll run after me eventually.  But sometimes, he’ll keep on pecking at whatever it until he DIES or until I get so far away, he is forced to reappear at my side.

If I run and my chocobo chooses to follow me, if I dare return, he will disregard all common sense and immediately go back to pecking at the same mobs we ran from.  Um, stop?  I don’t know if you recall, but we ran because too many monsters equals a problem, so why are you going right back into that mess?

Durr Hurr Hurr This is the face I imagine my chocobo making.

Durr Hurr Hurr
This is the face I imagine my chocobo making.

Also irritating: when a FATE ends and the extra mobs go trotting off into the sunset, my bird chases after them.  I must then wait for him to decide that he’s done.  This can take some time.

There’s no easy way to put the summon timer for him out in the open, so it’s not uncommon for him to take off at an inopportune moment.  Couldn’t he WAIT for half a minute until we’re done shooting whatever it is in the face?

And look, bird, sometimes you gotta change targets.  That’s just life.

Perhaps worst of all, I can’t queue for diddly squat while I am “training” my chocobo.  The game considers my bird-brained assistant as a member of my party, and it isn’t smart enough to disband said “party” should the queue pop.  This is a disincentive for DPS types when it comes to leveling their chocobos, as our queues are always longer and you can’t do a thing with your bird while you’re waiting.  Sometimes, I dump him in the FC Stables instead, where kindhearted people try to train him and maybe he’s got a chance of learning a thing or two from better educated battlefowl – you know, eventually.